15th November 2015

Preparing for your Ski Trip

Preparing for your Ski Trip

Some exercises you can practise to be physically and MENTALLY prepared for your ski trip.

Folgarida in Val di Sole in the Italian Dolomites

  • Place a small but angular pebble in each shoe, line your shoes with crushed ice and then tighten a C-clamp round your toes
  • Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
  • Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.
  • Go to McDonald’s and insist on paying £20 for a beefburger. Make sure you are in the longest queue.

Chalet Fiat on the slopes of Madonna di Campiglio in the Dolomites

  • Clip a lift ticket to the zip on your jacket and then ride a motorbike fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
  • Drive slowly for five hours – anywhere – as long as it in a snowstorm and you are following a large lorry.
  • Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes
  • Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then take them off again immediately because you need to go to the toilet.

Folgaria in the Italian Dolomites

  • Soak your gloves and store them in a freezer after every use.
  • Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed at night.
  • Visit your local butcher and pay him £100 to sit in the walk-in freezer for half an hour. When you come out burn a wad of £10 notes to warm up.
  • Throw away £100 now.

Madonna di Campiglio in the Italian Dolomites

  • Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, poles and day bag.
  • Pretend you are looking for a card in your multi-pocketed jacket and sporadically drop things.
  • If you wear glasses begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
  • Slam your thumb in the car door. Do not seek medical attention.

Madonna di Campiglio in the Dolomites
Repeat all these exercises every Saturday and Sunday until it is time to head for the slopes.

A ski lesson in San Martino di Castrozza in the Italian Dolomites
For a more serious post on skiing see Ski Happy.
With thanks to the original author who I will happily acknowledge – contact me at valery.collins@yahoo.co.uk